Is Ess Better Than Omm

Is"Ess" Better Than "Omm"?

SproutNet

InternationalSpecialty Supply

July24, 2001

Imaginethe following events:
In a recently released study, Johns Hopkins University found that the"Omm" manta, chanted by Hindus, could be improved upon.  In the early 90's, two Hopkins Scientists contemplated theomm mantra chanted by Hindus and wondered if any repeated sound would have asimilar effect.

Theresearchers set up test groups with students who chanted various sounds such as"ozz", "idd", "ahh", and "ess". After testing 32 sounds, they determined that a single letter in theEnglish alphabet, the letter "s", was so soothing that it only needsrepeated a few times to have a similar effect as repeating the Hindu "omm"mantra 50-100 times. 

Aspart of the study, the researchers determined that pulse rates are lowered whenwords with more than two ess's, such as "sassafras" and "sisters" wereuttered.  To the researchers'amazement, even words such as "spouses" and "sessions" had a mildcalming effect.  The letter creatingthe greatest rise in heart rate was the letter "k." Words with even one "k" such as "kill" could affect heart rates. When repeated, the effect amplified. The words "Klu Klux Klan" give a 12% increase over previous heartrates.

Aneven more amazing finding of the report concluded that the Swiss and residentsof Sussex have a pulse rate 14 points lower than those living in Kirkenes,Norway.  Students in Kirkkale,Turkey were most at risk, having resting heart rates of over 135.

The USGovernment found this research to be so unique and remarkable that the PatentOffice granted Johns Hopkins University a patent on the letter "s". A Hopkins' spokesperson would not disclose exactly what they intend todo with this patent, but did reveal that they are in talks with Micron Electronsover exclusive rights to produce keyboards with the letter "s."

Aspokesperson for The International Center for Technology Assessment, inWashington D.C., told reporters that the Center may challenge the patent at therequest of Miss Sissely Shenstone.  Shenstoneclaims that Hopkins is demanding a five-cent royalty each time someone uses hername, and ten cents if it is used in the plural. Shenstone told reporters that to avoid litigation she would probably finda husband and change her given name to Kikke Lee. Until that time she says she will not attend any family reunions

Sowhat happens if Hopkins determines that sitting upright may reduce the risk ofheart attack?  Would people need tostay vertical to avoid paying a royalty? This sounds absurd, but is no moreoff base than some of Hopkins current patents. It is this type of patent that ties up the US judicial system. Not something people should take lying down.